We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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