Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
