please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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