Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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