can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
