I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
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we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
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I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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