Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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