Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize