You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
