No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
