No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize