No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The air was thick with penises
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
