girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
