I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
