I accidentally had phone sex last night
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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