I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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