wakey wakey hands off snakey
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i wish my penis had a tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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