that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize