I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
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fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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