She went from zero to smokin in five shots
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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