i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
