so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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