ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
