I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
