i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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