Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
