i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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