My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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