And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
