You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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