It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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