but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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