I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize