Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
time to smoke my breakfast
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Randomize
