At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
