Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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