I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
