I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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