Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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