I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
