Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
