Your face is a jimmy john
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
