we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
