i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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