i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
