Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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