this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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