I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
