i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
