Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
