It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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