I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
