its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
