there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
