Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
