I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
