I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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