I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
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Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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